Just lately I’ve been feeling very reflective. What with my home and business move, the dissolution of my seven-year relationship and a few realisations along the way, I feel that my outlook is changing as quickly as the seasons. I’ve seen a few ‘what I’ve learned’ posts before and thought it would be fun to write my own and share a few personal experiences with you. Sometimes, it’s nice to get to know the person behind the blog and talk about something that many people will be able to relate to rather than just beauty or SFX makeup. So, here is my list of 10 things I’ve learned through my 20’s – I might add, I still have a few more years left of them yet so I’m sure I’ll have a little more to add to this list when I reach the big 30. But let’s not think about that one just yet…
1. Life doesn’t always go as planned
Something I’ve learned over the last few years is how rough life can really be. Even the best laid plans sometimes don’t work and you’ll sit and wonder ‘why me?’ But ask yourself this, why not you? Life doesn’t owe anybody anything and the more you act like a victim, the more you’ll be treated like one. What you think about you bring about so be victorious, not a victim. Learn to roll with the punches and seek alternative routes to go down. I’m a firm believer in fate and I truly believe that some things just aren’t meant to be. I also feel that if you are unhappy in whatever you’re doing, it’s your duty to yourself to fix that and find something that makes you truly happy and thankful every day
2.Sometimes your enemies are disguised as friends
I learned this the hard way. People aren’t always who you think they are even after you’ve known them for pretty much your whole life. People change and it’s not always for the better. Learn to let the fake friends go and surround yourself with those who truly value and support you through thick and thin. There’s nothing worse than texting so called friends when you feel like you need somebody to lean on only to be shunned or forgotten about a couple of messages down the line, but the sad fact is that some people don’t really care how you are at all. What they care about is getting the gossip then leaving you to it while they discuss it with somebody else. You don’t need a friend who will smile to your face but stab you in the back and you certainly don’t need friends who are all for themselves. A true friend should be there to support you through good and bad and if they aren’t, don’t even let them have the honour of being labelled your friend. Karma comes around to people like this and you really are best off out of it in the long run.
3. Being alone is better than being with the wrong one
Sometimes, it’s hard to be alone. But it’s even harder to stay with somebody who isn’t right for you. Relationships don’t always work out and the best thing you can do is let go for the sake of both people involved. Don’t accept being treated with anything less than respect, love and loyalty and learn to appreciate how much you really are worth. Love and respect yourself enough to make the break when it’s needed and don’t ever look back. Second chances usually only work in the movies and sadly, not everybody gets their happy ending.
4. People will disappoint you
One of the main reasons I prefer my dogs to most people is that I find people never fail to disappoint me. The sensitive Pisces in me gets easily hurt or offended and I can end up feeling very jaded. The important thing to try and remember is that not everybody is quite so rude or so damn inconsiderate. Most people tend to have a selfish streak that rears its ugly head now and again but that’s just a part of being human. Learn to stop taking things so personally and move on – something I’m still working at. Make sure you have a group of friends and family around you that you can trust and who treat you with love and respect and the world won’t seem like such a daunting place.
5. You can’t please everybody no matter how much you try
Sadly, sometimes whatever you do, some people will never be satisfied and will always look for a reason to pull you down. If somebody is talking behind your back, they’re already behind you so don’t worry about it. Hold your head high and carry on. You don’t need people like that in your life. Be a good person, be kind and understanding and carry on doing you. Being true to yourself is the best thing you could ever do for yourself and those around you.
6. Sometimes you’ll feel lost and alone
And that’s okay. Sometimes everybody feels a little lost not knowing what direction to take in their life and loneliness is very common. Whenever I feel like this, I always have a good chat to my mum or cuddle up with my dogs and watch one of my favourite programmes or films. If you don’t have anybody to talk to, try writing everything down that you feel. I find it really cathartic at times. The world can seem really lonely when you feel like you’re stuck on your own without a friend, but remember that you are loved, valued and cared for and that your smile may well be what brightens somebody else’s day.
7. Being fearful or anxious isn’t a weakness
For a while now, I’ve suffered with anxiety. In one of my old jobs, I felt so anxious and worried about work that I developed a stutter and couldn’t even speak when my colleagues struck up conversation with me. I constantly felt poorly and I was sick every single morning. I knew I had to make a change so I changed my career and eventually started my own business. Being anxious or frightened of something isn’t a weakness, it’s a natural, human reaction and it’s not something you should feel ashamed about. I try to push myself to do things that scare the hell out of me, like turning up to a party on my own or going shopping and for a coffee on my own. Sometimes, the very best person to lean on for support is yourself. Doing things that scare you a little help you to realise that you are strong and that you don’t need to live your life in fear. There’s only one certainty in this life and that’s that you won’t get out of it alive, so go do all the things you want to do before it’s too late. Smash through problems head on and you’ll soon realise what a confident, strong and independent person you really are.
8. Sometimes I prefer to be a hermit
You know those days where you just want to shut yourself off from the world outside and exist in your own safe little bubble? I feel like that a lot. And that’s okay! Sometimes you need that little break from everybody and everything to recharge and refresh your batteries. It doesn’t matter if you decide to spend a whole day in your PJ’s eating ice cream watching Netflix – as long as you feel better at the end of the day, you’re winning. There’s nothing I like better than getting home after a busy morning, getting into my PJ’s, locking the door and indulging in some peace and quiet. Bliss.
9. Some people aren’t worth your time and efforts
You know the type; they call once in a blue moon or only bother with you when it’s for their own benefit. It’s taken me many years to realise that some people just aren’t worth my time and care. I made the decision to surround myself with people who genuinely give a damn about me and who have a positive influence on my life, and let me tell you, it certainly separated the wheat from the chaff. People do of course have their own lives to deal with, but when somebody can’t even be bothered to send a simple message to say hello or ask how it’s going, they really aren’t worth a second thought. Also, if somebody doesn’t like you for who you are or you feel like you have to change to fit in, it’s about time you realised that nobody is worth the compromise of having to pretend to be something you are not. Don’t be a doormat and don’t be used, you’re worth more than that and if somebody isn’t making you feel valued, show them the door.
10. My family are the most important people in my life
Whenever I make an important decision, my parents are the ones I look to for approval and opinion. Whenever something good or bad happens, they’re the first people I want to call. I’ve always had a brilliant relationship with my parents – sure, we went thorough the terrible teens where we all argued a load and sure, we still disagree and fall out at times now, but my parents are the most important people in my life and nothing will ever change that. They’ve helped me through thick and thin, put me in my place when I’ve been wrong and been my biggest cheerleaders all my life. I always knew my parents were special, but the more I’ve grown up, the more I’ve realised how truly blessed I am to have them both here with me. My parents and my dogs are what matter most to me in life and I will always put them first.
So there it is, the 10 things I’ve learned in my 20’s so far! I could probably have gone on to write a realisation for every year but I thought I’d cap it before it came an essay to read. I hope you’ve enjoyed having a read through a few of my experiences and that you can, on some level, relate to some of them. Remember how wonderful you are and keep your head up, you wouldn’t want your tiara to fall now, would you?
© This post is copyright of Rachael Divers 2015.