10 things you should never say to your Makeup Artist

After years of working as a makeup artist, I’ve had my fair share of strange (and sometimes kinda infuriating) questions that have had me both confused and in stitches. I thought I’d share my handy little list of some of the most amusing things that you should never, ever say to your makeup artist! Have a read and enjoy – my personal favourite, and one I get asked a lot, is number 10!

1. “I wasn’t going to book with you but I couldn’t find anybody else last minute.”
I. Cant. Even.

2. “Can you just do my makeup for free?”
How’s about I ask MAC if they can supply my kit for free or if Sigma can send me my brushes for free? While I’m at it, let me see if BP will let me have my diesel for free. It’s not gonna happen. What you’re paying for is a quality, professional service using tried and tested products that will be kind to your skin all the while making you look and feel fabulous. Would you walk into a shop and ask to take your shopping away for free? I doubt it. So don’t even go there because it’s a surefire way to get heckles up immediately.

3. “I have a few makeup brushes I’ve never washed them. Would you recommend I do?”
Say what?! Do you have any idea how much bacteria will be lurking on those scruffy little bristles that you continue to smear over your face on a daily basis? If you find you start to suffer with skin complaints, then your brushes may well be the problem. I find it absolutely horrifying when people tell me that they don’t wash their makeup brushes. That’s like using the bathroom then swanking on out without washing your hands. You nasteeeh.

Mr Bean

4. “I’d like to try a new lipstick. I think I’d like a nudey red colour…”
Okay. Now I’m real confused. The line between nude and red is not a fine one and I’m totally not sure where you’ve got your inspiration for this new breakthrough lippie from. Most people who have asked me for this end up choosing a deep purple or dark brown in the end. Mind = blown.

5. “I want to book for my wedding but I don’t want to pay a booking fee.”
I’m very sorry, but without a booking fee, your booking will not be made. If I gained a MAC lipstick for every time I’ve booked a client in and they haven’t showed up and wasted my time and an appointment, MAC in Nottingham would be swiftly calling in a stock crisis.

6. “I’ve been using the same tube of foundation for about three years now. It’s lasted so long!”
Jesus Christ on a bike. Please, for the love of God, throw it out and get a fresh new one and be kind to your skin! Most foundation bottles have a little symbol on the back telling you exactly how long a product can be kept, it’s important to stick to these time frames as nasty bacteria can start to fester and cause havoc for your skin.

7. “Do you know how to contour?”
Does Kim K love a selfie?!


8. “Can you just hold on while I text my friend/pop out for a cigarette/take a call?”
No. Emergency calls are of course acceptable, but do you have any idea how hard it is to apply makeup to somebody who is constantly blocking you with their mobile? For one it’s terrible manners and for two, if you want your liner on fleek, please do sit still for a few minutes. It’ll all be worth it in the end, I promise.

9. “Could you colour match my friend for me?” *pulls out an iPhone and shows me a picture*
Um. I think it might be better if she could pop into the shop to see me so I can make a good colour match instead of trying to guess from a blurry picture where she’s one of seven people in a dark club with a flash…

10. “How much for a bride?”
I’m terribly sorry, I don’t sell brides.

And still, even after the strange questions and some of the absolutely baffling requests, I still LOVE my job as a makeup artist and wouldn’t want it any other way!


© This post is copyright of Rachael Divers 2015.

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