Happy International Women’s Day, everybody!
If you’d asked me a few years ago what ‘self-love’ looked like to me, I probably would have pointed to a luxury face mask or a particularly pretty scented candle. And while I still firmly believe a good skincare routine can solve at least some of life’s problems, I’ve realised that real empowerment is a lot grittier, and a lot more rewarding, than a spa day.
This year’s International Women’s Day theme is Give to Gain. Usually, we think of that as giving to the world to gain progress. But I’ve learned that the most important cycle starts at home: To gain a life of purpose and peace, you have to give yourself the grace, the boundaries, and the advocacy you deserve. And, in all raw honesty, you have to do the inner work. It’s the kind of confronting that feels incredibly heavy to face – the bits we’d usually rather sweep under our most hefty rug – but it’s the only way to stop living in the shadows and finally start walking towards the beautiful, warm sun.
The Ugly Side of Self-Discovery
The path to self-empowerment isn’t paved with rose petals and positive affirmations. Sometimes, it’s paved with tears, isolation, and the kind of bone-deep exhaustion that makes you wonder if you’re ever going to feel like you can breathe easily again.
There’s a reason people avoid the soul work. It’s because it’s messy. It’s because choosing yourself often means disappointing others, and that can feel like the worst time of your life. There were moments when I felt like I was navigating through a thick, suffocating smog. Nights where I walked the hallways from dusk to dawn torturing my own mind going around in relentless circles. Days feeling empty and like my heart couldn’t manage another beat.
But I’ve learned that it really is always darkest just before the light breaks through. You have to fight through that smog, face the uncomfortable truths, and dismantle the versions of yourself that were built to please everyone else. It feels like a breakdown, but it’s actually a breakthrough. Once you’ve crawled through that darkness on your hands and knees clawing to survive, you don’t just walk into that sunshine – you emerge on a completely different frequency. You’re vibrating at a level where you no longer just hope for respect; you embody it.
The Power of ‘No’ and the Strength of ‘Me’
For a long time, I think I was afraid of my own company. We’re almost conditioned to feel like being alone is just a waiting pocket in time for the next person or event. But for a little while, I’ve been pushing myself way out of my comfort zone – traveling solo (even when my body is trying to stage a full-scale riot) and realising that alone doesn’t mean lonely. It means totally and utterly content.
But the biggest shift hasn’t just been in where I go, but in who I allow to come along for the ride. And not just on the car journey – but on my entire frequency.
Curating my Inner Circle
One of the hardest but most empowering lessons I’ve learned is the art of curation. We curate our wardrobes and our Instagram feeds, but how often do we actually curate our connections?
I’ve had to get really honest about my friendships and alliances. I’ve started prioritising people who actually serve my mental health goals rather than draining them. It’s about finding those rare humans who understand that some days I’m thriving, and other days I’m just trying to survive a flare-up. If a connection requires me to compromise my morals or quiet my voice, it’s no longer a fit. And if a connection requires me to chase, or leaves me feeling less than? It has to go. Choosing inner peace is all about choosing yourself every single time. And in the words of Tupac: “Just because you lost me as a friend doesn’t mean you gained me as an enemy. I’m bigger than that, I still wanna see you eat, just not at my table.”
Advocating in the Face of Adversity
We talk about advocacy as something we do for others, but I’ve realised it’s something we must do for ourselves first. Whether it’s in a doctor’s office, a professional setting, or even within our own families, staying true to your beliefs in the face of adversity is a quiet kind of bravery. The kind of bravery that builds the confidence to carry you through no matter what. Because when you believe in yourself and you trust yourself, it’s a powerful place to be.
There have been times when it would have been easier for me to just go with the flow and ignore my gut. But staying true to my morals, even when it’s uncomfortable or my back is against the wall, is how I’ve built a life I’m actually proud of. It’s about knowing your worth and realising that your peace is non-negotiable.
Why Giving to Yourself is How We All Gain this International Women’s Day
When we give ourselves permission to be independent, to advocate for our needs, and to be utterly content in our own skin, we gain a level of strength that is infectious.
By giving yourself that respect first, you gain the capacity to support other women properly. You become a woman who doesn’t just talk about empowerment, but lives it – showing everyone else that it’s okay to stand your ground, to choose your circle wisely, and to be your own biggest advocate.
And this International Women’s Day, and every day, I believe that by showing up for ourselves, we’re setting the standard. We’re creating a world where we get to meet, know, and stand alongside women who are truly healthy, fiercely strong, and utterly themselves.
To the Women Finding Their Voice
Today, I’m celebrating the women who are in the middle of their metamorphosis. The ones who are nervous about booking that solo trip, the ones who are finally saying ‘no’ to things that don’t serve them, and the ones who are realising that their own company is actually their safe harbour.
You are enough. Your boundaries are necessary. And your happiness is something you deserve to give yourself every single day.
Want to find out a little more about me? You may enjoy reading Chronic Illnesses; I am not Chronically Defeated, I am Chronically Strong.
